IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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A modern
employee
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 spends much
time
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 at a
work
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, having very few
time
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 for a fun. The main advantage of
this
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 is that a
worker
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 receives more money for his
work
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 and the main disadvantage is that
continious
continuing in time or space without interruption
continuous
contentious
 prolonged working
time
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 can
cause person's
Suggestion
cause a person's
 mental and physical disorder.
This
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 essay thinks that the drawbacks of a worsened
employee
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's health outweighs the benefits of a short-term efficiency rising because an illness caused payed day offs will neglect
this
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 effect in the long run. One evident benefit of a prolonged working
time
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 is a short rising of effectiveness of a person, followed by heightening of employer's profits.
For example
Linking Words
, The Cambridge University recently published research that showed that approximately 40 percentages of a company's
profits
Suggestion
profit
 earned by a small amount of a hard-working
employee
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 with high
perfomance
a dramatic or musical entertainment
performance
 at a
work
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 place.
However
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,
longed
Suggestion
longer
 working
time
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 can cause burnout state of a
worker
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 and
this
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 fact outweighs all benefits.
On the other hand
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, a person's sickness caused by a
tiredness
Suggestion
tire
 overbalance all benefits both for an
employee
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 and for a
worker
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. The Who recently released statistics that showed that almost every
third
Linking Words
employee
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 was diagnosed the burnout state, which has
negative influence
Suggestion
a negative influence
at
Suggestion
on
worker
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's
perfomance
a dramatic or musical entertainment
performance
 at a
work
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 place. An extended working
time
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 caused illness wears off mental and physical energy of an
employee
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 and
as a result
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 a
worker
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 lacks efficiency or even takes a
sickness
Suggestion
sick
 day offs. In conclusion, a rising amount of people
spend
Suggestion
spends
 much
time
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 at their
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work place
a place where work is done
workplace
, having less hours for a leisure. The main benefit is growth of profits both for a company and for an
employee
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, and the main disadvantage, that outweighs all benefits, is that a worsened health of a
worker
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 caused by prolonged working hours can have
huge negative impact
Suggestion
a huge negative impact
 on his productivity at
work
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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