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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.
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Two
Correct article usage
The two
show examples
 charts below indicate how popular
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reality
 shows and
game
 shows
watched
Add a missing verb
are watched
show examples
 by Australian
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 ages and genders.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the proportion of women watching
reality
 shows significantly overwhelms the those of men
although
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 watch slightly fewer
game
 shows.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both genders aged above 45 tend to watch television more
regular
Change the word
regularly
show examples
 than the other groups. In
reality
 programmes, nearly 70%
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 women which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 twice as many as the percentage of men who choose
this
 genre of
TV
Add an article
the TV
a TV
show examples
 show.
Nevertheless
, in term of
game
 programmes,
male
Add an article
the male
a male
show examples
 is prone to watch
game
 shows and its percentage accounted for 61%, overtaking that
female
Change preposition
of female
show examples
 by merely 1%. As can be seen, the proportion of
reality
 show watchers increases steadily from ages 16 to 45 with the lowest figure at just 50% and the greatest percentage, at 68% of the over-45s.
In contrast
, the number of
game
 shows watched by 25 to 44-year-olds is
considerably
Replace the adverb
considerable
show examples
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 the number watched by 16 to
24 year olds
Add a hyphen
24-year-olds
show examples
 and those over 45.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words reality, game with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼

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