IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows how paper is made and recycled.

The diagram below shows how paper is made and recycled.
The diagram below illustrates the
process
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 of manufacturing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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paper
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 and the way it is recycled. The
process
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 of creating a
paper
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 has five steps.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the radiata pine thinnings are collected and
then
Linking Words
bark
Add an article
the bark
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 of the wood is removed by a special drum called
Correct article usage
the De-barking
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De-barking
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Debarking
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 drum in
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
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 step. The de-barked wood is
then
Linking Words
 sent to a chipper and
afterwords
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afterwards
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 a thermomechanical refiner which
utillises
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utilises
 water Afterwards the product is sent to a
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paper making
Add a hyphen
paper-making
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 machine. The recycling
process
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 of
paper
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 has six steps, starting with the
paper
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 products
such
Linking Words
 as newspapers. Talking about the
second
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 step, the used
paper
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 is directed to kerbside collection and
subsequently
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 to after collection. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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then
Linking Words
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 through a
de-inkking
Correct your spelling
de-inking
process
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 and fine screening happens
next
Linking Words
. Later it is mixed
by
Change preposition
with
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 thermomechanical and
recycle
Wrong verb form
recycled
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 pulp with the use of water. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
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 the
last
Linking Words
 product
is send
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is sent
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 back to the
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paper making
Add a hyphen
paper-making
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 machine to recreate
paper
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, paper with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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