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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
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It is commonly said that today’s children
are pressurized
Suggestion
was pressurized
were pressurized
 as were yesterday’s adults. That’s true in the sense that children are facing harder and harder academic, social and commercial challenges. It
is happening
Suggestion
happens
 simply because of the ever increasing demands of life, from the same perspectives,
on
Suggestion
in
to
with
 humans in general. While it is important that children excel in their age to become successful as adults, they must be shielded from the mounting pressure by maintaining a balance between material and psychological growth. As the global village becomes more and more competitive
everyday
Suggestion
every day
, it becomes important for us to prepare for the fight, so to speak, earlier and earlier.
This
Linking Words
 is realized by all, which triggers societies to push their juveniles during their learning stage. The other thing that
is contributing
Suggestion
has contributed
 to
this
Linking Words
 ever rising pressure on children is the lack institutional opportunities, especially in developing countries. Now, more than ever, children are having to race each other for reaching the privilege of higher education. While healthy competition is helpful for the psycho-social development of young ones, it is rather unhealthy when the race becomes more prominent than the objective. Of course the objective of children competing against each other ideally is
brining
the act of delivering or distributing something (as goods or mail)
bringing
 the best out of themselves. But, very frequently, a child is compelled to compete for becoming better than the other. In other words, the competition becomes a brawl rather than being a sprint. To stop
such
Linking Words
 spiteful struggle among our young, we must
first
Linking Words
 establish a sense of camaraderie within all our developmental institutions,
such
Linking Words
 as schools and colleges. Students must contest for academic betterment, not social supremacy.
Also
Linking Words
, parents should get proactively involved in promoting sportsmanship among learners. They must not allow vile aggressiveness and their own
vengefulness
Suggestion
 in the lives of their children. To sustain
such
Linking Words
 social reformation the government must establish ample alternatives to the traditional route to success.
Submitted by diannela9 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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