IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished, while others believe they should be educated. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.

#people #children #crime
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There is often a dichotomy in opinion, on whether the
juveline
of or relating to or characteristic of or appropriate for children or young people
juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
 should be sentenced to punishable or putting them
in
Suggestion
at
rehabilation
the restoration of someone to a useful place in society
rehabilitation
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 is the best possible solution. I strongly
belive
accept as true; take to be true
believe
believed
belief
 that underage criminals should be made aware about their actions rather than being punished straightaway.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if youngster found guilty
in
Suggestion
of
 any
crime
Use synonyms
, they should be sent to
rehabs center
Suggestion
a rehab centre
rehabs centre
rehab centre
rehabs Center
rehab center
. To put in
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 way, they should be taught that what would be the consequences of committing the
crime
Use synonyms
 and how much it cost the victim? To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the boy of age 16 has
being
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
been
 forgiven by the mother of
victim
Suggestion
the victim
a victim
, who has killed his own best friend during the football game.
Although
Linking Words
, it was hard for the mother to forgive that
crime
Use synonyms
, the purpose for doing so is to understand the criminal that killing is not the answer in the real world.
This
Linking Words
 act of kindness helped him to
controll
power to direct or determine
control
 the rage and anger.
Furthemore
in addition
Furthermore
, penalizing the young criminals will have the detrimental impact on the
country
Use synonyms
. In other word, the young generations are considered to be the valuable
assest
anything of material value or usefulness that is owned by a person or company
assets
asset
 of the nation. If
judicial system
Suggestion
the judicial system
 forgive them and sent him to
rehabilation center
Suggestion
the rehabilitation centre
rehabilation centre
a rehabilitation centre
rehabilation Center
rehabilitation centres
rehabilitation centre
, they might
evolved
Suggestion
evolve
 as
good citizen
Suggestion
good citizens
a good citizen
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 which eventually helped the society to prosper.
For instance
Linking Words
, the scientist in the United Sates of America has found the cured of the brain cancer which is the common
diesease
an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning
disease
nowdays but
Accept comma addition
nowadays, but
nowadays but
 he was once arrested
for
Suggestion
in
 the
bulgary
a republic in the eastern part of the Balkan Peninsula in southeastern Europe
Bulgaria
 case when he was only fourteen
year
Suggestion
years
 of age.
Instead
Linking Words
, of sentencing him ten
year
Suggestion
years
imprisoment
putting someone in prison or in jail as lawful punishment
imprisonment
, the jury decided to send him to the
governmnet
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 school to start his education and provide him the food on
daily basis
Suggestion
a daily basis
. He emerged as a scientist and eventually brought the fame to the
country
Use synonyms
. To conclude
this
Linking Words
, penalizing the underage
adoloscent
a juvenile between the onset of puberty and maturity
adolescent
adolescents
 is a way easy job for the jury or judicial
system but
Accept comma addition
system, but
 in my opinion the talent of the nation can only be found through
the young
Suggestion
the younger
 generations. Polishing and teaching them personal skills may help the
country
Use synonyms
 to bring the new innovations.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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