IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people find school difficult and leave early without any qualifications. What causes this problem and what measures could help reduce it?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 have access to
education
Use synonyms
, but for various reasons, some students decide to quit
school
Use synonyms
 as early as possible.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can cause plenty of problems in the future,
such
Linking Words
 as unemployment, social exclusion or even poverty. It is
therefore
Linking Words
 important to implement comprehensive strategies to prevent early
school
Use synonyms
 leaving. There are many reasons why some young
people
Use synonyms
 give up
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have tremendous struggles with learning,
thus
Linking Words
 they cannot get positive grades and even fail classes.
For example
Linking Words
, children who find it hard to learn the alphabet or basic mathematics at the beginning of their
education
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 usually have to face huge obstacles later. In
this
Linking Words
 case, a lack of fundamental knowledge causes that youngers do not
want
Verb problem
to want
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 to continue
Use synonyms
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
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 because it is too hard for them,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 just give up. Another reason is a living situation which sometimes forces adolescents to leave
school
Use synonyms
 in order to make money needed to live or take care of someone. Early parenthood is a case in point. The young mother does not have
another
Use the right word
any other
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 choice than quitting
school
Use synonyms
 if she wants to raise her child and does not have anyone to help. In
such
Linking Words
 a situation,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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a young father
sometimes is
Correct word order
is sometimes
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 made to start working
instead
Linking Words
 of continuing his
Use synonyms
school
Check wording
schooling
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. As we can see, usually those who leave
school
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 early do not do his because they want to, but they do not see a better option.
While
Linking Words
 earning a
school
Use synonyms
 diploma is essential to a stable future, actions should be taken to prevent
youngers
Check wording
young people
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 from dropping out of
school
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. Since plenty of students leave
school
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 bad results, it makes sense for parents and teachers to give them additional opportunities to improve their results,
such
Linking Words
 as extra classes,
motivational
Correct article usage
a motivational
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 system,
voluntary
Correct word choice
and voluntary
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for
Check wording
participation for
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 better students who want to help their peers.
By
Change preposition
Through
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 these actions, young
people
Use synonyms
 will have a chance to learn individually
according to
Linking Words
 their own abilities.
Also
Linking Words
, help for young parents should be guaranteed. It could be financial help, but
also
Linking Words
 access to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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distance learning or home
education
Use synonyms
. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
,
youngers
Check wording
the young
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 would have an opportunity to mix
education
Use synonyms
 with taking care of their families. In conclusion, some young
people
Use synonyms
 leave
school
Use synonyms
 early because of many factors
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as learning difficulties or living
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is crucial to help them by extra courses, financial help or providing access to distance learning.

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structure
Make the plan clear. Begin with the cause, then say how to stop it, and finish with a short close.
grammar
Fix grammar and word choice. Prefer 'young people' to 'youngers' and fix phrases like 'does his'.
content
Give more detail for each idea. Add facts or steps that can be done in school or home.
coherence
Use simple link words to join ideas. Words like and, also, because, for example help the flow.
style
Keep sentences short and check for mistakes. Read aloud to catch errors.
content
There is a plan to discuss causes and ways to help.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
content
Some examples link to ideas and show understanding.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • school
  • learn
  • study
  • teacher
  • student
  • class
  • problem
  • cause
  • reason
  • home
  • family
  • money
  • help
  • support
  • plan
  • future
  • job
  • work
  • path
  • option
  • choice
  • easy
  • hard
  • boring
  • safe
  • peer
  • bully
  • exams
  • stress
  • health
  • mind
  • dropout
  • leave
  • finance
  • parent
  • child
  • carry
  • life
What to do next:
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