At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The population age in countries
are
Suggestion
is
disparency
it depend on birth rate and lifestyle. In some countries, most of
people
Suggestion
the people
are young adults while others are the number of older people. Young adults may
countribute
bestow a quality on
contribute
economic development more effectively than older people. New innovation and ideas
is developed
Suggestion
are developed
by youngs, especially
enterpreneurship
. After graduating university, students tend to do their their business compared with belonging companies. To successful running business, they seek new idea and access new activity in
society
.
For instance
, Tiktok, Instagram. Founders of their companies may create new applications which collaborated with modern life style easily and access new trend in
society
.
Furthermore
,
government
Suggestion
the government
may spend low health expense on total population. Most of young adult
do
Suggestion
does
exercise and sports to prevent health problems, average number of patients may
low
Suggestion
lower
compared with old aged people.
The old
Suggestion
Older
people tend to feel pain from heart, breath and hearing issues as much as their age
grow so
Suggestion
grows, so
grows so
welfare and caring services might
need to them
Suggestion
need them
.
However young
Accept comma addition
However, young
people found new concepts, old people has experience in job and life field. Their experience may prevent possible risks.
For instance
, during building
consruction
the act of constructing something
construction
, experienced manager
know
Suggestion
knows
the safety regulation and other possible hazards,
in contrast
, young managers does not much about
this
. In conclusion,
however older people
Suggestion
however, older people
are more
expreinced thank
Accept comma addition
experienced, thank
experienced thank
young adults,
society
which comprises of young adults is developed actively compared with them.
In addition
, average health issues are
occured
Suggestion
occurring
occurred
slightly. Young people can give more advantage
on
Suggestion
of
to
the
society
.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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