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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #money #development
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Due to access to good education and better opportunities, millennial
earn
Suggestion
earns
 a lot more
money
Use synonyms
 than their parents did in the former days. Whether it is good development?
This
Linking Words
 is
further
Linking Words
 assessed in the essay below. With greater earning power, many things have become affordable for middle-income class
people
Accept comma addition
people, for
for example
Linking Words
 liberty to pursue higher education. In olden days, getting a world-class degree was not accessible to all and only
limited few
Suggestion
a limited few
 were entitled to complete their education. In
developing nation
Suggestion
developing nations
a developing nation
, a decade ago, travelling by planes was considered
luxury
Suggestion
a luxury
luxuries
 for a commoner. With more salaries, people travel to far off destinations and spend a splendid time off with their family and friends. With enough salaries, a working class can save enough
money
Use synonyms
 without worrying about his retirement,
instead
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, nowadays, many youths consider
become
Suggestion
becoming
 entrepreneurs in a short time frame of their career.
However
Linking Words
, every coin has a flip side, more incomes makes people reckless and they spend
money
Use synonyms
 on unwanted items and gadgets. According to the financial data, Apple shipped 9.2 million Apple Watch units during the fourth quarter of the year 2018. To impress others, people tend to flaunt their wealth and expensive possessions, which has bolstered unhealthy relationships and increased animosity between neighbours. The parity between have and have-nots have widened multi-folds. In conclusion,
money
Use synonyms
 is essential for meeting ends meet and lead a comfortable life. More
money
Use synonyms
 allows people to fulfil their dreams,
however
Linking Words
, excessive
money
Use synonyms
 leaves them lonely and enslaves them with the wish to have it all.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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