Some people think that dangerous sports such as boxing, or motor-racing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports

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It is undeniable that some

sports

Use synonyms

are likely considered to be risky and unsafe for some people. In my opinion, some of these

sports

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should not be allowed for a couple of reasons. First of all, boxing is a kind of a sport that might

make

Verb problem

cause

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fatal injuries for athletes in the long run.

This

Linking Words

is because an athlete might be hit in the head repetitively, which will damage the brain.

For instance

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, the iconic boxer Mike Tyson, which

considers

Wrong verb form

considered

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one of the strongest players in boxing is, unfortunately, suffering from

Parkinson

Change noun form

Parkinson's

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disease

due to

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this

Linking Words

kind of

Use synonyms

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

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Moreover

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, doctors announced that the main reason behind

this

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disease is being hit many times

into

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show examples

very sensitive areas.

In contrast

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, if he did not play

this

Linking Words

kind of

Use synonyms

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

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, he would not have

this

Linking Words

disease.

Furthermore

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, another type of

Use synonyms

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

show examples

that should be banned is

motor-racing

Correct your spelling

motor racing

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. The reason behind it is that racers sometimes lose the ability to control their bikes

due to

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high speed, as these bikes can simply exceed 300

kilo-meters

Correct your spelling

kilometres

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per hour.

Therefore

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, deadly accidents might occur and

resulted

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result

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in death. To illustrate, Michael Schumacher was recently suffering from a coma for 5 years

due to

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a deadly accident in the World Race Championship. Officials said that he lost control

Change preposition

show examples

one of the curves

and

Correct word choice

which

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resulted in serious injuries.

On the contrary

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, if he was not driving at a high speed on that curve, he would not be able to be in

this

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coma for many years.

To conclude

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, many

sports

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should be prohibited to save lives.

Although

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such

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sports

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bring

excitements

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excitement

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through the crowds, athletes can suffer from serious injuries.

Submitted by zaid.qassem1991 on Thu Jan 30 2020

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Task Achievement

The essay provides a clear response to the question, with relevant ideas and examples.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure is clear but could be improved with better transitions between ideas and more cohesive linking throughout the essay.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary
engagement
incentives
obesity
recreation
well-being
peer pressure
physical fitness
endurance
balance
teamwork
coordination
confidence
self-esteem
discipline
facilities
accessible
affordable
curriculum
extracurricular
inclusion

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