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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
It is thought by some people, that climate change will decrease the business process all around the world,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think about
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 it will bring to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entrepreneurs.
This
 essay will first discuss the negative effect on the economy of the planet and
then
 it will suggest some possibilities of
this
transformations
Fix the agreement mistake
transformation
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. On the one hand, the issue of
the
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apply
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ecology has significantly grown in importance over the
last
 20 years. Whether pollution is a price to pay for prosperity or a dangerous by-product of
senseless
Add an article
the senseless
a senseless
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 capitalistic system is a debatable topic
especially
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, especially
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 in the West. Humanity in 21 century are
the
Correct article usage
a
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 society of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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, not only
the
Add a missing verb
does the
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 government have to fight with overproduction
goods
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of goods
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, but
also
Rephrase
apply
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particular individual has to reform
the
Change the word
their
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 style of
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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life.
According to
 the latest research carried out at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Oxford University 5%
products
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of products
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, that
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
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 buy
they
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apply
show examples
do not even use or use 1 or 2 times.
On the other hand
,
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
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 production is a great opportunity to reorganize our lives. The first measure to be introduced is to stop producing plastic pockets and disposable plastic goods, the second measure is to reduce the taxes on green projects and to help with researching in eco industry.
For example
, the New York Times recently reported that
country
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the country
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 would allocate 10
millions
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million
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 dollars for young green scientists. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of green life are more weighty than minuses,
also
 taking care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our planet is a challenge for everyone
in other words
, it is our mission in the future.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is acceptable but you have to work more on your coherence. Try to make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next one and that all arguments and points are relevant and linked together properly. Use strong topic sentences at the start of each paragraph and use transition words and phrases to make your points more understandable.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided relatively supported main points, adding more detail and connecting them better with the essay's thesis could enhance the level of argumentation and coherence. Remember that developing a clear, focused argument helps to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have responded to the task quite completely, you have presented and clarified your ideas. However, you need to use a more comprehensive language when clarifying the beliefs behind the arguments. This will allow the reader to understand your thoughts more readily and help you to improve your score in this section.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant display of examples that back up your task response; nonetheless, make sure that your examples are more grounded to the main essence of these standpoints. This will demonstrate your ability to form coherent, applicable and convincing examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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