IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
In modern society,
people
 prefer living in the
city
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
causes rising
Verb problem
increases
show examples
 the price of a house,
that is
 why
people
, who are living in the
city
, choose
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 with small or no outdoor area.
People
 have different opinions on the
effects
 of
this
 issue. The negative and positive
effects
 will be discussed
as well as
 my personal opinion regarding
this
 issue. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smaller
houses
 and flats have positive
effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individuals,
such
 as
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 money or
time
. In modern society,
people
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time
 at work, so if
people
 have a small house or flat it will
make reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the
time
 for cleaning. The
people
 chose the smaller
houses
 or flats because of their budget. The small
houses
 will help
people
 stay in the
city
. As seen clearly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
houses
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
 who are living in the
city
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
although
 the small size family,
such
 as
one-parent
Correct article usage
the one-parent
show examples
 family or the nuclear family, increased in modern society, the small
houses
 or flats are not suitable for the families who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children.
For example
, the juveniles need their own space,
however
, the small house may
cannot
Remove a modal verb
not
show examples
 provide that to them.
In addition
, the
houses
, which do not have outdoor areas, have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 air circumstance problem. It is necessary to children for their immune system, and it
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 negative
effects
 to grew up the children.
Furthermore
, the lack of space causes mental and health problems to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families. In conclusion, in terms of
time
 and money,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
houses
 with small or no outdoor areas can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive impacts,
however
, the negative
effects
 are much bigger and
serious
Correct quantifier usage
more serious
show examples
. I strongly believe that it does more harm than good.
People
 should consider
this
 problem and
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
 find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue.
Submitted by 02seongah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: