IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (EG 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?

#people #retirement #age #eg #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
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Most of the people Almost
work
Use synonyms
 for their entire life for earning a living. As the
age
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 increases people start keeping an eye on their
retirement
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 plans. On
retirement
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, pension is considered to be a great benefit. A group of people
are
Suggestion
is
 of an opinion that declaring a designated
age
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 limit for
retirement
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 for all is not suitable as working style differ from
person
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 to
person
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. It is to be believed for a class of workers that they should be released from their jobs at an early
age
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 along with their pensions. In my opinion, I agree that the criteria set for the
retirement
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 should not be fixed rather it should be flexible depending on the nature of the job. People jobs and their capabilities differ from each other.
This
Linking Words
 means that the
retirement
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 plan should be decided according to
it
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a
person
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 performing all of its responsibilities in an effective manner should keep on working, regardless of
age
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.
For example
Linking Words
, an accountant in my office is carrying on his duties efficiently even at the
age
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 of 68 years.
On the other hand
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, some jobs require more physical energy as compare to other jobs.
This
Linking Words
 means the
age
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 factor plays a vital role in these jobs. People doing these types of jobs should be released at an earlier
age
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 as their body strength is decreasing with increasing
age
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.
For example
Linking Words
 a
person
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 working in a cement industry should get retire earlier as he/she would be unable to carry on the
work
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. To conclude, increasing of
age
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 does
has
Suggestion
have
 an effect on the
work
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 and I somewhat agree that
retirement
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 plans should be decided according to the nature of
work
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, physical and mental strength of a
person
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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