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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows that total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows that total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart shows the UK telephone calls, by call type category. These call types are local fixed line, national and international fixed line, and all calls in mobiles. The chart shows the total number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 in
billions
Use synonyms
 from 1995-2002.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the local fixed channel illustrates a bell shape figure from 1995-2002. Telephone calls using
this
Linking Words
 field are 71
minutes
Use synonyms
 in
billions
Use synonyms
 in 1995 which increases until it reached 90
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 1999 and decreases until it becomes 71
minutes
Use synonyms
 again in 2002.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 national and international, illustrate an increasing straight channel as the years pass by. To demonstrate, it is 38
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and increase to 61
minutes
Use synonyms
 by 2002.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, people who use mobile calls illustrate an increasing U-shape. It was dramatically lower in 1995 which only have 3
minutes
Use synonyms
 of calls, converted in the
billions
Use synonyms
. As the world is changing because of the power of new technology, it gradually becomes high in 2002 with 45
minutes
Use synonyms
 in the
billions
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I conclude that there's a tendency that local fixed
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 will continue decreasing because more people are switching to mobile phones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, calls from international and national increase
a
Change preposition
by a
show examples
constant number every year like 1-3
minutes
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, all telephone lines except
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 fixed line increased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number of minutes
  • telephone calls
  • categories
  • local – fixed line
  • national and international – fixed line
  • mobiles
  • general trend
  • yearly totals
  • significant changes
  • milestones
  • data
  • rise significantly
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • exponential growth
  • over the period
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