Children are facing more pressures nowadays academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of the pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce the pressures?

It is argued that the amount of stress

from

Suggestion

academic, social and commercial that children have to suffer is increasing today. In my opinion, I believe that

this

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situation is caused by many reasons and I will suggest some reasonable solutions to solve

this

Linking Words

issue. There are several reasons why children are experiencing the

pressure

Use synonyms

from a wide range of aspects.

Firstly

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, I assume that academic

pressure

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is the main one for children. Schools nowadays are competitive environment, students not only must face

pressure

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by teachers but

also

Linking Words

by themselves.

For example

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, to promote the sense of learning of students, many teachers created a ranking system, they publicize the scores of students and arrange them from high to low respectively. And a student who

get

Suggestion

gets

a quite high score may be still

feel

Suggestion

felt

stress because his or her score may lower than the peers.

As a result

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, an invisible

pressure

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always cause

Suggestion

always causes

has always caused

them learning like crazy.

Secondly

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, the social

Use synonyms

pressure especially

Accept comma addition

pressure, especially

from parents has strongly

affect

Suggestion

affected

their spirit. Parents now often set

Suggestion

ideal model and hope their child to be like that.

Therefore

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, they put high expectation for children and it inadvertently become the

pressure

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for their children.

Thirdly

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, commercial

pressure

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also

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is one of the factors raise stress for students. Children who are the most easily

effected

acted upon; influenced

affected

subjects love watching advertisements. So that commercial

pressure

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simply come

Suggestion

has simply come

simply comes

is simply coming

to children through marketing programs and advertisements which target them to some difficult standards.

Consequently

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, these standards unconsciously discourage children from being themselves. I

also

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believe that there are some effective solutions for

this

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problem.

Education system

Suggestion

The education system

An education system

needs to be transformed. What students learned should be put on the top

instead

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of scores. Simultaneously, parents need to lower their expectations and develop children true potential, they have to know that studying is not all about the success of their children in the future.

Furthermore

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, the authorities should limit the advertisements aiming at children and harder check the content of them before publishing. In conclusion, there are a great amount number of reasons which causing the

pressure

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for children, but it still can be solved. I hope governments and

sociality

Suggestion

will seriously pay more attention in

this

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matter in the future.

zzeeddd123Sun Feb 02 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

369 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic pressure
globalized world
competitive education system
social media influences
cyberbullying
commercial pressures
aggressive marketing
materialistic desires
peer pressure
high expectations
standardized testing
quantifiable performance
stress and anxiety
extracurricular achievements

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Children are facing more pressures nowadays academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of the pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce the pressures?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You organised a 90th birthday party in a hotel for a relative. Many elderly guests attended this party which of grand success. Write a letter to thank the hotel manager. In your letter, Give details of party the reasons why party was successful Mention a staff member who helped you a lot

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that thia would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fossil fuels are the ain sources in many countries, but insome countries the use of alternative sources of energy are encourages. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?