IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Fossil fuels are the ain sources in many countries, but insome countries the use of alternative sources of energy are encourages. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, there has been a growing trend towards using
alternative
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sources
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 of
energy
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such
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 as solar
power
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 and wind
power
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 as a way to reduce the dependency on fossil fuels. It is the opinion of the writer that
alternative
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sources
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 have benefits because of enhance the economy and reduce diseases It is vital to understand that renewable experts are creating a wide range of jobs in various sectors of the economy.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that the installation
,
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apply
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 and the development of
alternative
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sources
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 are all contributing to job growth. Indeed these industries have the potential to employ a significant number of people , particularly in regions where traditional
power
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 industries are declining.
As a result
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,
this
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is
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apply
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not only boosts local economies but
also
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 reduces income unequally by supporting the workplace. Another point worth considering is the shift towards different
sources
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 of
energy
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 is seen as a positive way to reduce many diseases.
In other words
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,
alternative
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energy
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 origins are considered to be more sustainable and environmentally friendly than fossil fuels.
Thus
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, solar
power
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 and wind
power
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 do not produce harmful emissions that contribute to air pollution and climate change, making them a clean and green option for
energy
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 production.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, many people are struggling with lung-related diseases because a significant amount of gas emissions from fossil fuels are released into the atmosphere daily. In conclusion,
although
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 the shift towards
alternative
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sources
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 of
energy
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such
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 as solar
power
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 and wind
power
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 has its challenges, in my view, it has positive effects and should be encouraged

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear stance, make sure your thesis statement in the introduction is more precise and reiterates the extent of the positive or negative development.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You mentioned Vietnam, but providing data or more detailed information would make your point stronger.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on some points for further depth. For instance, how renewable energy boosts the economy or reduces income inequality could have been elaborated more.
coherence cohesion
Make smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure all points are logically connected. The essay structure is good, but connecting sentences could enhance the flow.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are adequately supported.
coherence cohesion
The division of paragraphs is appropriate, and the structure is easy to follow.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, which help to reinforce your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Renewable energy
  • Sustainable development
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon footprint
  • Climate change
  • Air quality
  • Hydroelectric power
  • Solar energy
  • Wind energy
  • Geopolitical risk
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy security
  • Economic growth
  • Job creation
  • Finite resources
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