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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

the graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries
#information #water #consumption #two #countries
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The graph and detailed
table
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 illustrate the details of
water
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 use globally and
water
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usage
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 in two different countries, namely,
Brazil
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 and
Democratic
Correct article usage
the Democratic
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 Republic of
Congo
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 In 1900,
water
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usage
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 was almost 0 km3 for
industrial
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the industrial
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 and domestic
sector
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sectors
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while
Linking Words
 it was around 500 km3 for
agriculture
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. During 100 years period, all 3
sectors'
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sectors
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, which are mentioned,
consumption
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 of
water
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 increased and
agriculture
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 hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first place from 1900 to 2000. Turning
to
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apply
show examples
the
table
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, it gives information about the population, irrigated land and
water
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consumption
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 per person for 2 different countries given. From 1900 to 2000, the figure
of
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for
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agriculture
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 increased rapidly and reached almost 3100 km3
while
Linking Words
 industrial and domestic figures maintained the same level until 1940
where
Correct word choice
when
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 industrial
usage
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 began to increase
while
Linking Words
 domestic
consumption
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 went up after 1960 and reached
to
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apply
show examples
about
1000km3
Correct your spelling
1000 km3
. It can be seen from the
table
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 ,
water
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consumption
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 per person in
Brazil
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 was considerably higher than
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Congo
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in Congo
show examples
 which was 359 m3 and 8 m3, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, irrigated land in
Brazil
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 was 26500 km2 which was almost 27 times more than
Congo
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's irrigated land.
Overall
Linking Words
,
agriculture
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 was the main sector for
water
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usage
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 in 100 years period. There were massive differences between
Brazil
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 and
Democratic
Correct article usage
the Democratic
show examples
 Republic of
Congo
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 in the details given in the
table
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words table, water, usage, brazil, congo, km, agriculture, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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