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Writing Samples
Band 4

Due to rapid development of technology children these days are living in a world that is completely different to what it was few decades back what problems can this cause for society and family?

There is no denying that in today's world of advanced technology,
childhood
Correct article usage
the childhood
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 of
this
Linking Words
 generation is totally different
than
Change preposition
from
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 a few decades
earlier
Rephrase
ago
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. The following paragraphs will discuss
about
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apply
show examples
the drawbacks of these changes. First and foremost,
children
Use synonyms
 today are more
tech savvy
Use the right word
tech-savvy
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 and have little interaction with others.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,
children
Use synonyms
 would not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to gather the values which their elders used to tell them.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the old days, listening to stories from the elders was one of the major
Check wording
forms entertainment
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entertainment of
Correct word order
of entertainment
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Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
for children
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, but now
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 of advanced
gadgets
Add a comma
gadgets,
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 they do not have time for these things.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays are deprived of
this
Linking Words
 knowledge and are sometimes
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rude and not helpful to their friends and family, which in the long term will impact
negatively
Rephrase
apply
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on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Secondly
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, as
children
Use synonyms
 are more into social media and video games, they pay less attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical games.
This
Linking Words
 lifestyle pushes them towards obesity and many other health issues. So, if their habits are not changed,
then
Linking Words
 society will be greatly impacted
due to
Linking Words
 the less active workforce
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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national
Correct article usage
the national
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 economy can fall. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
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top of
this
Linking Words
, countries might need to make more investment towards health care
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 ultimately will put more pressure on the
taxpayers
Punctuation problem
taxpayers,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may
demotivates
Wrong verb form
demotivate
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 them to work. In conclusion, technology is a good thing which helps individuals and nations to grow, but giving full access to
children
Use synonyms
 will definitely have many negative consequences which
include
Replace the word
including
show examples
 bad behaviour, physical and mental health.

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content
Add more clean ideas about how tech changes affect family life, school, and health. Give clear, small examples.
structure
Make the essay easier to read by having a clear plan: intro, 2 or 3 small points, and a short close. Use easy linking words to go from one idea to the next.
language
Fix grammar and word use. Watch for errors like 'would not able' and 'on the top of this'. Use simple tense and form.
style
Make sure each point ties back to the task and ends with a quick note on how it affects society or family.
content
The idea is set and the topic is clear.
structure
The essay has a basic plan with an intro, body and conclusion.
language
Some examples are used to show ideas, and there are linking words.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • face-to-face interactions
  • family bonds
  • health problems
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • healthcare system
  • quality of life
  • educational inequalities
  • social skills
  • real-life interactions
  • communicate effectively
  • cybersecurity risks
  • cyberbullying
  • online predators
  • inappropriate content
  • overreliance
  • problem-solving
  • creativity
  • critical thinking skills
  • monitor and regulate
  • conflicts
  • stress
  • technology usage
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