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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Thw bar charts show the marriage and divorce statistics of nine countries from 1981-1994

Thw bar charts show the marriage and divorce statistics of nine countries from 1981-1994
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There are two bar charts, one depicting marriage and the other illustrating
divorce
Use synonyms
 per
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in eight different
countries
Use synonyms
 over a period of 13 years. From the marriage bar
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 it can be seen that in all the
countries
Use synonyms
 the marriage rates had come down, except in Denmark, where it increased.
Across
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 the years the USA had seen
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 number
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 getting married among the given
countries
Use synonyms
; a little more than 10
people
Use synonyms
 in every
thousand
Use synonyms
 used to get married in 1981. Even though the number reduced in 1994, still
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 was leading with 9
people
Use synonyms
 getting married per
thousand
Use synonyms
. Denmark was
next
Linking Words
 in the queue for the same year with six
people
Use synonyms
 marrying out of a
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Divorce
Correct article usage
The divorce
show examples
 chart shows that in five out of eight
countries
Use synonyms
divorce
Use synonyms
 rates increased from 1981. Germany had a stable number of
divorce
Use synonyms
 cases,
that is
Linking Words
, two per
thousand
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
, Denmark and the USA saw a decreasing trend. Though Italy’s
divorce
Use synonyms
 rates are very minimal, with less than 0.1%
across
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it has increased more than double.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words divorce, thousand, people, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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