IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the monthly spending in dollars of a family in the USA on three items in 2010.

The bar chart shows the monthly spending in dollars of a family in the USA on three items in 2010.
#bar #dollars #usa #three #items
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information about three different kinds of expenses
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
, gas, and clothing which were carried out by a family who lived in the USA between
January
Use synonyms
 to April in the year of 2010. It was measured
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 US
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 pattern of all three items
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the spending money on
food
Use synonyms
 markedly decrease, it was considerably elevated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gas and clothing. In detail, in
January
Use synonyms
, around 500 US
dollars
Use synonyms
 was spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 which was the highest amongst other items. Gas and clothing
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 only well above 300 US
dollars
Use synonyms
 and just above 200 US
dollars
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 up and down trend in spending money on
food
Use synonyms
 until it reached the lowest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 item in April, at around 300 US
dollars
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, apart from the slight drop in February, it experienced a gradual rise over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time and hit the
second
Linking Words
 most
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 item which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 bought by the people in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 in April
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2010. In terms of clothing, the amount of money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on it had increased by nearly 400 US
dollor
Correct your spelling
dollars
 from
January
Use synonyms
 to February,
then
Linking Words
 it can be observed that there was a sudden fall in that trend , reaching around 300 US
dollars
Use synonyms
 which
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 least
expenditure
Use synonyms
 item in March. Interestingly,
thereafter
Linking Words
, the expenses on clothing dramatically rose and hit the highest point in April, at about 700 US
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,based on the bar chart,
although
Linking Words
 there was a fluctuation in
monthy
Correct your spelling
monthly
 average
expenditure
Use synonyms
 over the span,
at the end
Linking Words
 of April it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
notably declined by around 100 US
dollars
Use synonyms
 when compared to
January
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kirisiva1989 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, january, dollars, expenditure with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: