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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011.

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011.
#inquiries #tourist #information #office #city #six #month #period
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Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 in person and
Use synonyms
telephone
Change preposition
by telephone
show examples
 increased over the following six months,
while
Linking Words
 that of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 by
letter
Use synonyms
/
email
Use synonyms
 decreased steadily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the Tourist Information Office is gotten the best of
Use synonyms
inquiry
Fix the agreement mistake
inquiries
show examples
 by directing to a customer in June. In January, the figure for
inquiries
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 in person initiated over 400
inquiries
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, which numbers were lower than that for
letter
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/
email
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 and
telephone
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. Especially, the
inquiries
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 were received by
letter
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/
email
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 and
telephone
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 that started
over
Change preposition
with over
show examples
 600 and 800
inquiries
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 respectively. Over the
next
Linking Words
 six months, there was a dramatic rise in the
inquiry
Use synonyms
 in person,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
reaching a peak at 1900
inquiries
Use synonyms
 in June. At the same time, the number of
inquiries
Use synonyms
 by
telephone
Use synonyms
 reached a plateau at 1000
Use synonyms
inquiry
Fix the agreement mistake
inquiries
show examples
 in April and went up gradually
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1600 in June.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
inquiry
Use synonyms
 by
letter
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/
email
Use synonyms
 was gotten that declined steadily
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 6 months, and
ending
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 almost at 400
inquiries
Use synonyms

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words inquiries, telephone, letter, email, inquiry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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