IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenagers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
, People are always confused when they think of some gifts that need to give to the youth due to the variety of options available.While some people think
money
Use synonyms
 is the best
gift
Use synonyms
 that they can give as it removes the pain of giver in making choices the product along with the features that teenagers are always looking for
,
Accept space
,
I think, offering
money
Use synonyms
 to the young ones can involve them in malicious activity and gifts are considered as a symbol of
rememberance
the ability to recall past occurrences
remembrance
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these days teenagers have a different type of choices for gifts,
such
Linking Words
 as, digital games and electronic gadgets while some of people may not have much knowledge about it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the adults may purchase simple traditional gifts, which may not be liked by them.
Hence
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 could be proven as a best presenting option.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is observed that parents or older people while purchasing a
gift
Use synonyms
, they may not check all the features as well as material while buying it and it may be useless for the
reciever
set that receives radio or tv signals
receiver
.
For instance
Linking Words
, parents gifting a watch to their son or daughter
,
Accept space
,
youth would check for modern feature like world clock, stop watch and so on, while parents look out for basic feature of time displayed is accurate or not. If those modern
featurs
a prominent attribute or aspect of something
features
factors
fathers
 are not present,
this
Linking Words
 would make them unhappy,
although
Linking Words
a
Suggestion
an
 expensive
gift
Use synonyms
 is gifted.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 should not be given to younger children as they are not mature enough to decide where to spend the
money
Use synonyms
. It is possible that cash might be spent on activity like gambling. They may buy items that are not age appropriate or items that are hazardous.
In addition
Linking Words
, some of these youngsters may develop a bad habit
such
Linking Words
 as smoking or become a drug addict because they have cash to purchase whatever they want. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they may squander the gifted
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other offerings like electronic gadget or
gift
Use synonyms
 card should be given to them to avoid
unecessary
not necessary
unnecessary
 spending and buying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, gifts are reminders and when a person looks at the present,
then
Linking Words
 he or she remembers the person who presented it and
therefore
Linking Words
, a
money
Use synonyms
gift
Use synonyms
 cannot take the place of the gifts in kind because people often forget about the cash presents. To illustrate, a person who has gifted a sports
shoes
Suggestion
shoe
 to run for the marathon run, will always be remembered. To recapitulate, I opine that,
although
Linking Words
 people give
money
Use synonyms
 as a
gift
Use synonyms
 to teenagers, but purchase a product
instead
Linking Words
, will generate a mere feeling of love and closeness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: