Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many
psychologist s
Correct your spelling
psychologists
show examples
and neuroscientists believe that happiness is a choice and circumstances cannot direct a person to be sad or elated.
However
, some believe, there are various factors, which can make a jovial person, gloomy. I am in accord, with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
opinion, as I believe, human beings have
power
Change the article
the power
show examples
to control their emotions. In the composition, both aspects will be discussed with pros and cons. To embark upon, some experts assume, many external circumstances, are responsible, for a person to remain joyful or depressed. These may be,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
of
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
or a loved one, divorce, poverty, physical or mental debility and any kind of physical or mental abuse.
For instance
, people who just lost their only child
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
may go into
deep
Add an article
a deep
show examples
depression,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
may lead to various psychosomatic disorders.
Also
, patients who are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wheelchair
Fix the agreement mistake
wheelchairs
show examples
and limited ability to do even their normal chores
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be anxious and without hope, leading to chronic depression. In
such
conditions, it is very difficult to remain happy and positive.
On the contrary
, few believe that our mind controls what we think, we can remain happy no matter what
situations
Correct article usage
the situations
show examples
are. No circumstances or situations can make us
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
our joy. One of the famous, neuroscientists, named Dr Caroline Leaf, has written a book, switch on your brain.
This
book explains that no matter what may be the situation, our response to it determines
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
whether we are joyous or unhappy.
Furthermore
, there are many videos, posted by a famous speaker Nick, who does not have arms or
leg
Fix the agreement mistake
legs
show examples
and he
tells
Verb problem
says
show examples
that
secret
Correct article usage
the secret
show examples
to
remain
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
happy lies within. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his impaired body form, he is more energetic and happy. He never regrets
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
anything. In conclusion, I believe,
what
Correct word choice
that what
show examples
we think in our heart, we shall be so,
hence
we have to choose to be in a state of happiness, no matter what comes in front of
you
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
.
Submitted by prabhjot.userc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: