IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #health #country #government #laws #food #matter #choice #responsibility
Few citizens are of the opinion that the ruling authorities of the nation can enhance the public
health
 by enactment on nutritious
food
.Whilst others experts oppose
this
 and state that it is just a personal choice.
This
 essay will
discuss the both
Suggestion
discuss both the
 views and conclude with my opinion. On the
first
 hand, eating unhealthy
food
 can lead to decrease in public
health
, so legislators should impose a levy on people who eat
this
 kind of
food
.Making
such
 rules can increase the public
health
 and
also
 nation can collect a huge
number
Suggestion
amount
 of wealth by means of
tax
Suggestion
taxation
, and as people visit the hospitals less the funds which are supposed to be
spend
Suggestion
spent
 on
health
 sector can be diverted into other sectors.
For example
, countries like Italy have imposed
a
Suggestion
an
 excise on eating junk
food
 which in turn increased the
health
 of their public and
also
 increased the national wealth.
However
,
Accept space
,
this
 approach will break the peace of the society due to frustration that will be caused by claustrophobia.
This
 will lead to the protests and demonstrations which in turn spoils the tranquility of the people and nation.
Instead
, government should educate people by creating awareness on detrimental effects that are caused by eating unhealthy
food
 and literate the advantages of in-taking natural
food
. To conclude
,
Accept space
,
although
 imposing laws
such
has collecting
Suggestion
were collecting
are collecting
have been collecting
 a tax on fast foods can decrease the intake of it,
this
 may lead to loss of freedom of an individual.In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
the regulators should well-inform the people about the unwelcome effects that are caused by eating them that will curtail in consumption of processed
food
.
Submitted by pra.854 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: