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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarize this information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparison where relevant.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities #information #feautures #comparison
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This
Linking Words
 line graph and table graph are providing information about the
merely
Change the word
mere
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 monthly temperature and the
approximately
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approximate
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 rate of
hours
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 of sun over a period of twelve months in
London
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, New
York
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 and
Sydney
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
in
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apply
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the temperature in
Sydney
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 was relatively higher at the beginning and end of the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
London
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 and New
York
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 experienced an upward trend in the middle of the period. In January,
Sydney
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 experienced a number of above 25 degrees. From here, it gradually dropped to 15 in July.
Linking Words
At
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In
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 the end, it showed an increase to exactly 25 in December, with 20 more than New
York
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.
London
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 started with nearly 10 in January, with approximately 5 less than New
York
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. New
York
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 exceed the rate of
London
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 in April and reached a peak of nearly 30 in July, with 5 higher than
London
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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states experienced a downward trend to a rate of 10 and 5, they came down to the same number as in January. The total sunshine was respectively higher in New
York
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, with a number of 2535.
On
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In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second
Linking Words
 place came
Sydney
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, with 2473
hours
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.
London
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considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
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 to be with more than
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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hours
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 of sun, with 1180
hours
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.
Submitted by rehanauddin9 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, london, york, sydney with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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