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Band 4.5

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do agree or disagree?

#phones #places
Mobile
Suggestion
The mobile phone
phone
 has played a crucial role worldwide because of its useful functions. While some people argued that cell
phone
 should be forbidden in some places
for
Suggestion
since
 they think it is harmful to society as smoking. I disagree with the view that cell
phone
 is as damaging as smoking and the prohibition of using cell phones in certain places.
To begin
 with, mobiles are not detrimental to people as smoking. Recent decades
has witnessed
Suggestion
have witnessed
transformation
Suggestion
the transformation
a transformation
 from computer to
smart
Suggestion
a smart phone
phone
 with regard to working and living,
such
 as: sending emails and messages, writing essays and reading E-book through phones without disturbing others in silent mode. It obviously that smoking is harmful to others unless smoker is staying in the smoking room
Moreover
, mobile phones are essential and important part in our daily life.
In addition
, it owns a variety of useful functions with the advance in technology,
for example
, people can communicate with others, making
phone
 calls, in specific, in case of emergency. These functions are very convenient so that people use it everywhere. It is undeniable that the phones
has
Suggestion
have
 some negative effects and should not
ignored
Suggestion
ignore
. The ringing of phones will annoying others when people are in
library
Suggestion
the library
a library
libraries
 and in class.
Besides
,
mobiles
Suggestion
mobile
 signals will disturb the safety of the plane to some extent. In conclusion, I do not think that it is suitable
to
Suggestion
for
 comparing the use of
phone
 to
smoking
Suggestion
smoke
, my view is that people should
focusing
Suggestion
focus
 on the proper use of
phone
 in
some
one or some or every or all without specification
any
 occasions.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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