IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your country?

#people #skills #clothes #repairs #house #countries #change #situation #country
In the old days, many common skills like making the clothes and house repairs were managed by people themselves.
However these
Accept comma addition
However, these
 common traits are fast becoming specialized or skilled jobs and no longer general public engage in them. There are two main reasons for
this
 change in my opinion.
Firstly making
Suggestion
Firstly, make
Firstly make
Firstly is making
 clothes and house repairs need some amount of time and specialized training.
Traditionally these
Accept comma addition
Traditionally, these
 were passed on from generations to generations in the household. But the increasing
socio economic
Accept comma addition
social, economic
social economic
 pressure
have made
Suggestion
has made
 people to focus more on their specialized area of job or interest.
Moreover
, the move towards the urban areas and the increasing economic and job pressure
have had limited
Suggestion
limit
 the time left for taking up
such
 activities.
Secondly
, with the increasing urbanization and technological developments complemented with recent trends in fashion, have given birth to a whole new set of industries. A common example is
of
Suggestion
about
 the clothes, with new fashion trends emerging regularly and the mass production of clothes in the factories
have made
Suggestion
has made
 making clothes at home disappear. More
importantly these
Accept comma addition
importantly, these
 factories
also
 provide job opportunities and offer a variety of
products people
Accept comma addition
products, people
 tend to buy it rather than making it at home. The same is
also
 true for home repairs, with increased complex systems like dishwashers, laundry equipment, automatic doors, oven and stoves all need a specialized skill to perform the repair work.
In
addition you
Accept comma addition
addition, you
 need to have a lot of tolls at hand, not to mention the details of the equipment. The situation is more or less same in my country,
however in
Accept comma addition
however, in
 the
viallges
a community of people smaller than a town
villages
 people still do these tasks themselves, but the trend is changing faster than ever before.
Submitted by junejonoman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: