IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
The crime rates keep increasing all over the world. When analysed it is found that it is due to criminals repeating
crimes even
Accept comma addition
crimes, even
 after going to
prison
 once.
This
 essay will find out the various reasons for
this
 and give some action plan to
comtrol
power to direct or determine
control
this
 problem.
First
 of all we need to understand the cause behind
this
. People in need commit crimes when they are not
able fullfill
Suggestion
able to fulfil
able fulfil
 their need in regular method. Some people who have
psychiatric problem
Suggestion
a psychiatric problem
 cannot help themselves and keep doing criminal activities. When a person returns from
prison
 the society doesn't accept them so the offenders find it difficult to sustain themselves and resort to crimes.
Also after
Accept comma addition
Also, after
 visiting the
prison
 once and seeing the
punishment
 criminals feel the reward they get from crime outweighs the
punishment
 so they are ready to repeat the crimes. To control the criminals from repeating crimes we need to take care of all of the above mentioned issues. In the
prison
 we can give them some kind of skill training which can help them in finding a earning job after
prison
 time. Inside the jail all of them need to be taken to a psychiatrist for
checkup
Suggestion
a checkup
 and dealt according to the report of the checkup.
Also it
Accept comma addition
Also, it
 should be mandatory for the criminals to do community service
,
Accept space
,
such
a
Suggestion
an
 activity would bring them in the good eyes of the society. But
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 feel the most effective would be to have
harsh
Suggestion
a harsh punishment
punishment
 for repeat offenders. The
punishment
 should etch a line into the mind for them to never even think about doing the act again. To conclude the action to reduce the rate of crimes is to act on the mentality of the criminals.
This
 will solve the problem permanently.
Submitted by rimjhimmahanty2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: