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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts provide information about UK
graduates
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 who are not
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 full-time
employment
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 engaged in after graduating from college in the year 2008. At a glance, it is clearly visible that the majority of the
students
Use synonyms
 in both groups furthered their studies after leaving college, whilst
minority
Correct article usage
the minority
show examples
 went into voluntary work. A large number of
students
Use synonyms
, both
graduates
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
, who did not get a full-time job furthered their education as soon as they left college. About 29,665
graduates
Use synonyms
 as against 2,725
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 pursued another qualification. Part-time work was
next
Linking Words
 in line, and over 17,000
graduates
Use synonyms
 were involved compared to only 2,535
postgraduates
Use synonyms
. As regards unemployment, 16,235 graduate
students
Use synonyms
 had no job
in contrast
Linking Words
 to 1,625
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 who were not working as
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the year stated. A very small population of
students
Use synonyms
 in both categories decided to render voluntary services,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 number of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who toiled
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
 path
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than the postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. About 3,500
graduates
Use synonyms
 were recorded to be involved in voluntary work as opposed to only 345 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, postgraduates, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution of activities
  • full-time employment
  • similar trends
  • significant proportion
  • further study
  • part-time work
  • unemployment
  • economic challenges
  • secure jobs
  • post-college activity
  • practical experience
  • additional education
  • volunteer work
  • personal development
  • skill enhancement
  • comparatively
  • niche skillsets
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