IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a fact that excellent, knowledgeable and experienced
teachers
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 will help students to do well in academic learning.
However
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, their
parents
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also
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 have important roles in teaching them. I personally disagree that
parents
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 have less influence on their
children
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's intelligence and social development than 
teachers
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 and
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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my view.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 are their
children
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's primary
care givers
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caregivers
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 and will spend many times with their
children
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;
therefore
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,
children
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 will have more chances to learn from them automatically. During
school
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 time, 
children
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 go to
school
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 to obtain knowledge by learning different kinds of subjects;
however
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, what they learn
are
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is
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 all from
text books
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textbooks
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 or labs and after
school
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,
parents
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 are their mentors in their daily lives and teach their
children
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 a variety of thinking
skills
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.
For example
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,
children
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 with good
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parents'
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parents
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 support and
guiding
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guidance
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 will do better at
schools
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school
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 and have good careers in
their
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the
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 future.
Moreover
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, high intelligence is inherited by genes from
parents
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.
In addition
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,  
children
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's social development includes many contents,
such
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 as interpersonal
skills
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, communication
skills
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, and so on. It is definite that
teachers
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 will help their students to practice their communication
skills
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 via a variety of activities in classes;
however
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, it takes
long
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a long
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 time for
children
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 to master social
skills
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.
Children
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 have been  learning these
skills
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 since they were born. Their
parents
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 are their first
teachers
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.
For instance
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, researches indicate that
children
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 whose
parents
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 talked to them more in infant time will have better communication
skills
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. These
children
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 tend to have
better
Add an article
a better
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 capacity
of expressing
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to express
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 themselves. In conclusion, at
school
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teachers
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 convey
many
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apply
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knowledges
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knowledge
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 and all kinds of
skills
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 to their students;
however
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,
parents
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 pass more
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 to their
children
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 during their lives and teach their
children
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 to master social
skills
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.
Parents
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 play a more important role in influencing their
children
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 to become smarter and more competent than
teachers
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Clearly state your main points in each paragraph's topic sentence.
task achievement
Make sure each point you make directly answers the question in the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to connect your ideas and make them flow better.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • structured influence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • appetite for learning
  • curriculum
  • learning styles
  • socialize
  • cooperate
  • navigate social norms
  • underestimated
  • role models
  • confined
  • academic year
  • life lessons
  • formative years
  • moral and behavioral development
  • supportive home environment
  • reinforcing
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