IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

in countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job
It is often said that, in some countries people should be offered only primary education, where the high unemployment. Secondary learning is
also
 important. In my opinion, I totally support both with
this
 statement due to some reasons below.
Firstly i
Accept comma addition
Firstly, I
Firstly I
 must say that studying in secondary school may be made some nuisance to some family. The one of
this
 reason is in order to studying secondary school they allocate money. They spend for the teacher training fees, educational tools and other things.
Furthermore some
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, some
 government does not spend an amount of public money for school expansion.
As a result
 of some students commit the crime or they are engaged with other harmful habits.
Secondly
 secondary teaching is
also
 important pupils for their lifetime. If they have secondary schooling, every time they can find business for themselves. They can go abroad in order to find work, if there are not job in their country.
Also they
Accept comma addition
Also, they
 have a job in secondary education, but the wages are low. So they can move to other countries. They can earn 10 times as much salary in another country. In conclusion, the governments should increase the rate of studying and reduce the unemployment rate.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: