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Band 4

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. What are the advantages and disadvantages

#artists #salaries #government #work
There are those who view that, in
this
 modern era art is a great medical treatment for human relaxation.
However
, most artists earn a decent income from their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
hence
 they are struggling to make a living. I believe great things will happen if
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 receive aid from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.The pros and cons
for
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of
show examples
 my view will be given
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below.
First,
it is noteworthy that most
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
, s art area main job and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the primary source of income.
In addition
 to that, most of them are obviously
fascinate
Wrong verb form
fascinated
show examples
about
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by
show examples
what they do and they are spending massive time and millions of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
for creating
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to create
show examples
 a
mesmerize
Replace the word
mesmerising
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craft. As an example, prominent film director Mr Karan Johor who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 in India contributed millions of money
for making
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to make
show examples
 a historical film which is
name
Wrong verb form
named
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
Padmawathi.But he did not recover all of
Add an article
the fund
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 which they had spent.
Thus
, I believe the governing body should
be supported
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 to them for continuing their work and
film
Correct article usage
the film
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 industry.
Furthermore
, most
of
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apply
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individuals are living capital city
in
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of
show examples
 the country
for facilitating
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to facilitate
show examples
 their work the main aspect is they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 resident or apartment
for
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. After getting old they struggle
for
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to
show examples
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
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 their basic needs
such
 as housing, food and medical
also
.
Hence
 the state should
be introduced
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
, some pension scheme to look after them.  
Moreover
, art is the passion of the culture and tradition of the country.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the government would not be contributing much money
for
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to
show examples
 that stream because it
will be increased
Wrong verb form
would increase
show examples
 unemployment rates.
For instance
, in
this
 contemporary society, most
of
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apply
show examples
artists, talented and creative people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
make a great profession. They can reach their lucrative easily by using technology.
Hence
, I trust. They can earn more money, without support from others.
To sum up
, artists need
financial
Add an article
a financial
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assistant
Replace the word
assistance
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 to continue their tremendous and fascinating works
of
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apply
show examples
profession
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the profession
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 because the government should look after them from
trivial
Correct article usage
a trivial
show examples
 time by giving
financial
Correct pronoun usage
them financial
show examples
 support.
Submitted by dulaniabeysinghe on

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task response
Task Response: The essay does not fully address the advantages and disadvantages of artists receiving funding from the government. The response is somewhat relevant but lacks clarity and thoroughness.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a somewhat logical structure, but there are issues with the introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported to some extent, but the coherence and cohesion could be improved for better clarity and flow of ideas.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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