Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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It is well-known that

music

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can reach

Suggestion

into

the different parts of the world. It is yet debatable that

music

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is one of the best ways of having a closer relationship with the people in various nations and ages as well. Would

this

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be true? I

contend

without stop or interruption

continued

to agree with

this

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statement, and will be explained in the following paragraph how

music

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helps for the amalgamation of

culture

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and people together in all aspects.

Music

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is important for the different

culture

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of a different

country

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. But it has been found that people listen and enjoy different kinds of

music

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for example

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, K-Pop

music

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initially

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was not so famous, but when they became known to other English speaking countries, now they might be

popular

Suggestion

more popular

than before. And people could learn the Korean

culture

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as well.

Thus

Linking Words

, people become closer to

this

Linking Words

music

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Further

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, it has been seen that older people generally do not like hip-hop

music

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. They like soft

music

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which can always not available in their own

country

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musician.

For instance

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, people of South Asian countries used to listen to Contemporary Indian

music

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Accept space

this

Linking Words

type of

music

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is not present in their

country

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As a result

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, it has been proved that

music

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can bring people of all ages together. In conclusion,

although

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some people opine that

music

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is not important for

begetting

the act of overcoming or outdoing

beating

budgeting

people together, I believe it does

popular

Suggestion

popularly

for closing people of all

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culture

Suggestion

cultures

and ages. If the government gives proper attention in

this

Linking Words

sector, it will help every

country

Use synonyms

becoming popular.

Submitted by melebau on Thu Feb 20 2020

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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