IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Some people believe that women should be treated as equal to men when applying for a job with police or military. Other think that women are less suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #men #job #police
According to some people, women should be given equal importance as men for job applications
such
 as military whereas others believe that women are less capable of doing
this
 kind of jobs. In my opinion, gender shouldn’t be a factor while choosing the right candidate and women possess more abilities as compared to men in any field. Women should be given opportunities to showcase their talent to join the national defence as compared to men.
To begin
 with, women are actively taking part in swimming, karate, weightlifting and depicts the competitive nature comparatively.
This
 shows their mental and physical strength which is the utmost importance when joining the police force or military.
For instance
, a majority of games in the Olympics
such
 as shooting, wrestling are played by women and have won medals in the respective field, highly encouraging other women for participation.
Thus
, women should be considered equal to men, even if the job application is for defending the country. Some people think that women are not capable to carry out certain jobs due to various reasons.
Firstly
, people believe that physical strength is vital to become a police officer or join military and women have less stamina for the job.
For example
, while catching a thief, law enforcement officer needs to run fast to get hold of the burglar.
Secondly
, few women prefer to stay at home and look after their toddler or in laws, whereas some women are intrigued by the corporate jobs.
Thus
, working as police or in the military should totally depend on the women herself rather than judging her physical power. To conclude, while some opinion may vary, I have a firm conviction that women should be treated equally as compared to men and jobs to serve the nation should be offered to the suitable candidate irrespective of the gender.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: