Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion.

Some believer thinks wider open space in newly
build
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built
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school
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schools
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is essential, It has both pros and cons. Before expressing my opinion, both views need to be discussed, so in
further
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paragraphs
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paragraph
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paragraph,
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both aspects are discussed thoroughly.
Firstly
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,
fraction
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a fraction
the fraction
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of thinkers
argues
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argue
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that for sustainable development of child
growth
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growth,
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it is necessary to have a wider
area
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in institutions, where they can play and do
extra curricular
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extracurricular
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activities which leads to
their
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apply
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better mental and physical health. Scientifically it has been proved that when the upbringing of the child is healthy
the
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apply
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they perform better in the future.
Secondly
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, It provides an abundant field for all students to enjoy their free time
along with
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that they get time to spend moments in the grasp of nature.
Additionally
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, It is believed that in wider
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area
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areas
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there
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the
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air quality is purer rather than
cosy
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in cosy
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areas as air passes fluently and frequently in an open location.
On the contrary
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, It is very hard to arrange large open
zone
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zones
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for
the
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apply
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construction in a metropolitan city.
For instance
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, recently a magazine published an article which stated that day by day vacant space is diminishing rapidly which can cause a great danger for future
generation
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generations
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. At the time of
urbanization
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urbanization,
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the cost of
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area
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the area
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is too
much
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apply
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high that an owner of
institution
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the institution
an institution
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compromises with the territory. It is
also
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believed that if the
area
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is big
then
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maintenance
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the maintenance
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charge
also
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increases
as well as
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the responsibility of the faculty to manage students which they think of as a burden.
Moreover
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, Management gets less territory to utilize in the construction which leads to
loss
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a loss
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in revenue.
To conclude
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, it can be said that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion development of young ones cannot be compromised
due to
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the high expenses of the organization so the wider open arena is required in newly
build
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built
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education centres.

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task achievement
Try to make your main points clearer and more detailed. You were on the right track but could explain your ideas a bit better.
coherence and cohesion
Use better linking words to connect your ideas. This would help your writing flow better.
grammar
Make sure you use correct grammar and punctuation to make your writing clearer. For example, check your sentences for errors.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you try to discuss both sides, which is good for this kind of task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a good overview of what you will discuss in the essay, which is a nice start.
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