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Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.
#bar #employees #development #position #three #companies #ibm #microsoft #apple
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The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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 in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010. Among the three companies, the employees hired by BIM and Microsoft presented an upward trend during the thirty-year
period
Use synonyms
. BIM had
the
Correct article usage
a
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dramatical
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dramatic
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 change,  with the lowest percentage, about 2% in 1980 and the largest one in 2010, about 65%. Meanwhile, Microsoft has
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 been in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
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 place, with about 5% in 1980 and around 45% in 2010. Apple had a zig-zag trend during
this
Linking Words
period
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 with the highest one, 15% at the beginning of the
period
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 and the lowest one, about 25%,
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of
this
Linking Words
period
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
period
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, BIM had a
dramatically
Change the word
dramatic
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 senior development position filled by males, about 65 times increased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. Apple had the slowest growth of male employees with only about
10
Correct article usage
a 10
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% increase during the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • senior development positions
  • hired
  • decade
  • trend
  • peak
  • fluctuation
  • plateau
  • incremental
  • surge
  • decline
  • diversity
  • workforce
  • comparative analysis
  • corporate strategy
  • industry standard
  • gender gap
  • representation
  • demographics
  • human resources
  • career progression
  • vertical growth
  • talent acquisition
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