The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

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The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010. Among the three companies, the employees hired by BIM and Microsoft presented an upward trend during the thirty-year

period

Use synonyms

. BIM had

the

Correct article usage

show examples

dramatical

Replace the word

dramatic

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change, with the lowest percentage, about 2% in 1980 and the largest one in 2010, about 65%. Meanwhile, Microsoft has

alway

Correct your spelling

always

been in

middle

Correct article usage

the middle

show examples

place, with about 5% in 1980 and around 45% in 2010. Apple had a zig-zag trend during

this

Linking Words

period

Use synonyms

with the highest one, 15% at the beginning of the

period

Use synonyms

and the lowest one, about 25%,

Change the preposition

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the end of

this

Linking Words

period

Use synonyms

Overall

Linking Words

, during

this

Linking Words

period

Use synonyms

, BIM had a

dramatically

Change the word

dramatic

show examples

senior development position filled by males, about 65 times increased

at the end

Linking Words

of the

period

Use synonyms

. Apple had the slowest growth of male employees with only about

Correct article usage

a 10

show examples

% increase during the

period

Use synonyms

busybee1693Sun Feb 23 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

155 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

bar chart
senior development positions
hired
decade
trend
peak
fluctuation
plateau
incremental
surge
decline
diversity
workforce
comparative analysis
corporate strategy
industry standard
gender gap
representation
demographics
human resources
career progression
vertical growth
talent acquisition

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The bar chart illustrates the number of male employees hired for senior development position in three companies ( IBM, Microsoft, and Apple) from 1980 to 2010.

Some people argue that government should spend their money on elderly people's care. However, other people say that government should focus more on education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

What skills are taught in school in comparison to what is needed in actual life

Some people like to eat in restaurants and at foodstands, others like to eat at home. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and examples to support your choice.

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of these fashions?

You work in an international company. You need to take some time off work. Write a letter to your employer. In your letter:  explain why you need this time off  give details of when you want this time off  say who can do your work when you are away