IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Exercise
Use synonyms
 has become a very popular concern among people who are facing various
health
Use synonyms
 issues, including over-weight and heart diseases. The reason that people are not getting enough
exercise
Use synonyms
 nowadays is related to the laziness.
However
Linking Words
, there are various measures that could be taken to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
exercise
Use synonyms
 maintains a perfect chemical balance within our bodies, which is an essential to live a healthy
life
Use synonyms
. By not doing or ignoring the need of
exercise
Use synonyms
, a human body starts to generate fat that causes
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
However
Linking Words
, the laziness is a major contributing factor in
this
Linking Words
 situation, which people are not taking seriously. The advancements in technology and the emergence of online shopping platforms have made peoples'
life
Use synonyms
 easier, but these are the major reasons why they do not want to leave their homes and living their outdoor
life
Use synonyms
 by sitting front of a cell phone. They can almost order anything with a click of a button, and it does not require any effort, while the traditional way of shopping needs walking within a supermarket in search of items.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people should understand that their laziness are causing great damage to their internal body system, which is very fragile in nature. A survey is one way to spread the knowledge related to
exercise
Use synonyms
, so, that people can understand the benefits of exercising regularly as well as disadvantages of not doing it.
In addition
Linking Words
, local governments should encourage people to get
exercise
Use synonyms
 daily by showing advertisements.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a well-known rule in Japan in which employees have to do daily
exercise
Use synonyms
 under the supervision of a manager. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a very unique and innovative way to maintain peoples'
health
Use synonyms
, and can be followed by other countries. In a nutshell, there is no doubt that
exercise
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in everyone's
life
Use synonyms
, and it should be taken seriously in order to be healthy. Governments should impose a specific rule about
this
Linking Words
 matter in schools and companies, so, that people are forced to maintain their
health
Use synonyms
 with an exception
for
Suggestion
of
 sick or senior citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: