IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are reasons for these behaviors? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviors #action
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Nowadays, as the economy is growing at
such
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 a rapid rate, people’s income is increasing like never before, leading people to consume more goods than ever.
However
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, some have spent way more than they could ever make, creating loopholes of debt that has caused many issues to their financial management.
Although
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 there are many factors leading to
such
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 issue, many solutions
also
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 been implemented to handle the problem.
To begin
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 with, there are two significant reasons for
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, being the glamourous advertisement that we get from TV or social media commercial, which only talks about the benefits and features of the product, create a false glamour which deceive the buyer’s mind into buying the item.
As a result
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, people tend to love the physical beauty, which will make
this
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 the perfect psychological strategy in telling them to
by
obtain by purchase; acquire by means of a financial transaction
buy
 the product.
Second
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, the existence of buying instalment and credit card pushes people into not really spending time to think about the
money
Use synonyms
 that they would spend on the product. These types of cards and payments allows people to buy things that they would never be able to afford before. And when these people start repaying the
money
Use synonyms
 back, they eventually realized that they are now trapped in
this
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 debt of
high interest loan
Suggestion
a high interest loan
high interest loans
 that they could never finish paying it.
However
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, there are many solutions to the two problems mentioned before.
First
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 of all, schools should implement many
money
Use synonyms
 management lessons to educate people on how to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 correctly. At the same time, governments could apply new laws and policies to the restriction of credit card, giving out warnings for the users to know what their current budget is. Punishments should
also
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 be applied
for
Suggestion
to
 those
that can’t pay in
Suggestion
that can’t pay
 their required time by the bank. In conclusion, the growing concern of debt getting out of control due to people buying needless products without knowing what their current budget is. As it is very concerning for everybody to be spending
money
Use synonyms
 like that, many solutions have
also
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 been implemented to stop
such
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behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 from keeping on ruining people’s lives.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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