IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, people spend too much time at work to the extent that they hardly have time for their personal life. Discuss

#people #time #work #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays people spend too much
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
. They do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for their personal
life
Use synonyms
,
consequently
Linking Words
, their personal
life
Use synonyms
 is affecting negatively. Long working hours not only affect one’s personal
Use synonyms
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 it
also
Linking Words
 affects one’s health physically and psychologically. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss in detail the cause and effects of working long hour. Due to
this
Linking Words
 competitive environment
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 has increased nowadays. Every organisation wants to do something different and new. Due to which
pressure
Use synonyms
 on employees has increased. Technology advancement is another factor which has increased
pressure
Use synonyms
 on employees. It has enhanced the market, now customers are connected to a
company
Use synonyms
 through various sources. Everything is available online, no doubt it has made everything
easier but
Accept comma addition
easier, but
 it has
also
Linking Words
 increased
pressure
Use synonyms
 on companies and its employees. For
eg
Suggestion
., There are departments for everything like sales, customer care who are available 24/7, after sales, enquiry etc. Now an employee’s job does not end at the sale of a particular product, he has to take feedback from the customer, provide a customer after sale services etc. Almost every
company
Use synonyms
 is giving these kinds of facilities. Even in some companies, employees have to
work
Use synonyms
 extra hours and at weekends
also
Linking Words
. So people do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for their families, friends and children.
Consequently
Linking Words
, more families are separating than ever before because couples do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for each other. Children
also
Linking Words
 feel neglected and sometimes they fall into bad
company
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 affecting employee’s health. Due to
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
, he can’t eat properly and can’t do any physical exercise which in return
affect
Suggestion
affects
 him physically and mentally too. If an employee
is not fit
Suggestion
doesn't fit
does not fit
 physically and fresh mentally he can never give his 100%. To conclude, excessive
work
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 is affecting both employee and
company
Use synonyms
. An employee’s personal
life
Use synonyms
 is affecting which is affecting his efficiency and productivity.
Hence
Linking Words
Use synonyms
company
Suggestion
the company
 is affecting as employees play a vital role in a
company
Use synonyms
’s success and profitability. Companies should implement shift model and limited
work
Use synonyms
 hours.
Submitted by nilesh.mscit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: