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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Table chart show the percentage of people 65+ in three different countries from 1988 to 2030.

Table chart show the percentage of people 65+ in three different countries from 1988 to 2030.
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The table chart illustrates the proportion of
Use synonyms
population
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the population
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 who were 65 and over in three different countries Canada, Germany and the UK in various years.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undoubtedly clear that in 1988, the total proportion of people who were aged 65 and over was, accounted for 16.32% in Canada. The
percentage
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 of
Use synonyms
population
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the population
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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escalated by around 4% in 2000.
Besides
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, it was predicted that the
population
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 of 65 and over aged will increase to approximately 26.35% in 2030.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
Use synonyms
population
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the population
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 in Germany
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stood at 20.45%, which was followed by the
next
Linking Words
 year close to 25.32%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it was expected that in 2030 the
percentage
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 of aged people who were 65 and over will
reached
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reach
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 30.42%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the UK, the proportion of 65 aged and over
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
reminded
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 in 1988 and 2000, near about 14.89%, each.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it was estimated that the
percentage
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 of aged people will
escalated
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escalate
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around
Change preposition
to around
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 20.35% during 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 displayed
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
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 rising trend
in
Change preposition
apply
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every year except the first year of the UK
remaind
Correct your spelling
remained
remains
remain
 equal
Use synonyms
percentage
Change preposition
in percentage
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, overall".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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