IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that time spent on electronic games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Few people believe that the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 children
invest
Suggestion
invests
 in playing electronic games is valuable
,
Accept space
,
while some peoples trust that it really has a bad
impact
Use synonyms
 on a
child
Use synonyms
 too.In my opinion the children are wasting their precious
time
Use synonyms
 if they are getting used to it on a regular basis and it
also
Linking Words
 leaves a bad
impact
Use synonyms
 on their well being as well. In the present world the children spend most of their free
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
computers mobiles
Suggestion
computers, mobiles
 and electronic gadgets rather than going out there under the sun to get involved in physical
activites
any specific behavior
activities
 and sports which helps them being fit in a longer run. The only stress buster after hours of lectures they would have had since morning is the free
time
Use synonyms
 they get in the evenings which they despite
choose
Suggestion
choosing
 to spend being all alone in front of these gadgets rather one has to go out there and get social with the children of their age so that they can involve in some of the things which keep them fit. The
impact
Use synonyms
 which these leaves on children in
future
Suggestion
the future
 might be far more intense.One gets deprived of the social network and get used to being all
alone which
Accept comma addition
alone, which
 does not serve good in the long run.
Infact investing
Accept comma addition
In fact, investing
In fact investing
 long hours in front of them can lead to a
child
Use synonyms
 having problems with his eye which is really not appreciated.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some feeble chances that a
child
Use synonyms
 can attain great heights if he/she chooses to make a living out of it by becoming a
proffessional
engaged in a profession or engaging in as a profession or means of livelihood
professional
 gamer it has lead to more negative
impact
Use synonyms
 rather than positive ones.
Overall if
Accept comma addition
Overall, if
 a
child
Use synonyms
 is deprived from getting used to those new technologies he/she will have an amazing future
a
Suggestion
an
 in terms of health if not being actually successful in
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 who knows the same amount of
time
Use synonyms
 they may invest in developing their career perspectives and achieve a great
feet
Suggestion
foot
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: