IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
Childhood is supposed to the
worryless
Suggestion
worry less
time
 of their entire life and some machines like auto cleaning robots have free children from doing housework.
However
, I think
today
Suggestion
today's
 children don’t enjoy enough freedom.
Firstly
, due to the increasing competition, children
spend
Suggestion
spends
 more
time
 on study in order to achieve a better academic performance and enter
elit
a group or class of persons enjoying superior intellectual or social or economic status
elite
Eliot
universites
the body of faculty and students at a university
universities
 in the future.
Nowadays many
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, many
 students have to face the
mountaining
 homework, and
afterschool
Suggestion
after school
, their parents are always prepared to send them to get private tutoring.
That is
 why many people argue that students are busier than adults. Since most of their daily
time
are occupied
Suggestion
is occupied
 by the schoolwork, children don’t have enough spare
time
 to do what they want. What is even worse is that a large proportion of them are suffering sleep deprivation because they have to stay up late to finish their homework. Except that, many students cannot make many
choises
the person or thing chosen or selected
choices
cases
 on their own. A great number of parents tend to choose what they believe are good for their children, and ignore what they really want.
This
 issue is especially common in some East Asian
countris
a politically organized body of people under a single government
countries
 like China and Korea. In these
countries some
Accept comma addition
countries, some
 parents
even won’t allow
Suggestion
won’t even allow
 their children to decide their majors when they apply for the
unversities
the body of faculty and students at a university
universities
, because they think that it will be difficult for their children to find jobs after graduation if they major in
subejcts
the subject matter of a conversation or discussion
subjects
 like arts and literature. In conclusion,
although
 some cutting-edge technologies like internet seems to give more
choises
the person or thing chosen or selected
choices
chess
 to children, many of them still cannot make
fully decision
Suggestion
a full decision
full decision
the full decision
 on their lives and future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: