IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the result of a survey about what peopel of differwncw age groups say makes them most happy

The charts below show the result of a survey about what peopel of differwncw age groups say makes them most happy
#show #survey #peopel #differwncw #age #groups
The two pie
charts
 depict
outcomes
Correct article usage
the outcomes
show examples
 of a survey on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 topic of what matters can satisfy
people
 the most.
Overall
, the
charts
 are separated by the age of
people
. In both
charts
, the most significant topics are Achievement at work and Doing hobbies
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are almost the same proportion. And
also
 cause other factions to just slightly
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Achievement at work plays a virtual role in
people
 of all ages which is over one quarter on both
charts
. Doing hobbies
also
 appears in all the
charts
 and took the
second
 largest part which is more than 20%.
However
, The other aspects display almost the same percentage. For
people
 who are under 30 years old, having a good appearance is 18%, Travelling is 15% and Othe factors is 14%.
On the other hand
 for
people
 who are over 30 years old has a slight difference in proportion, Financial security is just over 2%
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 A good appearance, Being with family is just under 1%
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Travelling but Other factors have only 10% which is the smallest piece of the pie
charts

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charts, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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