The bar chart below shows the percentage of people

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people
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The chart illustrates the consumption of fruit and vegetables amongst men, women and children in a day for seven years from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
, the consumptions of women in all years were the highest, followed by men and children. The intake of fruit and vegetables for women from 22% of people in 2001 increased from 5 years up to 2006 reaching more than 30%.
Then
shows a decline.
The
Change preposition
At the
show examples
same token, men
also
consumed
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
17% of the people in 2001
continued
Correct word choice
and continued
show examples
till 2003 and shows increments till 2006 with more than 27%,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
also
in 2007 and declined by 1 or 2%
then
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
Children
Change noun form
Children's
show examples
consumption
also
showed 12% in 2001 with
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
rate
goes
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
till 2003 and increased in 2004 by 5% to 17% and
continue
Replace the word
continued
show examples
growth till 2007 to 25%.
Finally
, the growth shows
decline
Add an article
a decline
the decline
show examples
in 2008 to 24%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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