IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some parents believe cellphones are harmful to children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #cellphones #children
Nowadays, mobile devices are filled in
ou
Suggestion
with
r daily life the most common one is
cel
lphone. I
Suggestion
a cellphone
the cellphone
t is obvious that cel
lphones ma
Suggestion
cell phones
ke our life more convenient than before, but if we get exposed to them in an early stage, whether it will cause harm to the children is a keen issue between parents. There are several reasons that suggest cel
lphones wi
Suggestion
cell phones
ll be beneficial to children,
such
 as using it as a means of education or getting contact with others when in danger. As a tool of education, children can do research on the topics that they are interested in whenever they want when there is a
cel
lphone in
Suggestion
cell phone
 hand. In
this
 case, learning will not be limited only in the cla
ssroom but im
Accept comma addition
classroom, but
plemented in their daily life. In terms of equipment for communication, when children run into trouble, if they don’t have ways to contact with others and get help as soon as possible, the issues may be irreversible when others have known. Regardless of the advantages, there are
also
 drawbacks that cel
lphones ma
Suggestion
cell phones
y bring to the children. Despite the fact that cel
lphones ca
Suggestion
cell phones
n be used as learning materials,
however
, if the children view
cel
lphone as
Suggestion
cell phone
 a toy and spend the majority of their time on the
cel
lphone, i
Suggestion
cell phone
t may,
on the other hand
, do harm to the children’s academic studies.
Also
, getting exposed to the screen for a long while without resting will cause a serious impact on our eyes. As most of the children didn’t have the ability to control themselves, they may spend a huge amount of time on their phones without noticing that they should get rest, which is a really unhealthy beh
avior.
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 Personally, I agree we can give cel
lphones to
Suggestion
cell phones
 the
next
 generation. Since they are living in a society
that is
 filled with technological devices, letting them get used to these mobile devices will help them to get prepared for the future.
However
, as a parent, I believe teaching children how to use their phone wisely will be a more feasible solution.
Submitted by brianchung8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: