IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sports programmes are hugely popular on television nowadays. But some people argue that these programmes are to blame for the poor health of many young people who prefer to watch rather than part take in physical activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sports #programmes #television #people #health #part #activity
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In our modern society,
phisical
involving the body as distinguished from the mind or spirit
physical
 activity is
gettig
the act of acquiring something
getting
 more and more important because of the relevance
on
Suggestion
of
to
 the quality of life. From
one
Use synonyms
 side, obesity is
one
Use synonyms
 of the main factors of mortality in developed countries, while younger people practice less
sport
Use synonyms
 than in the past. To
this
Linking Words
 extend, some
peole
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
 are arguing that
television
Use synonyms
have had
Suggestion
has had
 a bad impact and
in particular
Linking Words
 people prefer watching
Use synonyms
sport
Suggestion
sports
 programs rather than do it
themself
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is not true for two reasons. The
first
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 is that people watching at
sport
Use synonyms
 programmes
in
Suggestion
on
 TV are often
also
Linking Words
 practicing the same activity, even if they are not athletes. If you have a hobby,
for instance
Linking Words
, like a
sport
Use synonyms
, probably you would
also
Linking Words
 like to be updated and to follow your
favorites
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
 player or team. For
this
Linking Words
 kind of watcher, sports programmes on
television
Use synonyms
 have no impact on their
health
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, they increase their interest in
sport
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if you are a lazy person, probably, you will prefer to follow a
sport
Use synonyms
 programme rather than take part in a
specifical
(sometimes followed by 'to') applying to or characterized by or distinguishing something particular or special or unique
specific
 activity. In any case,
this
Linking Words
people
Suggestion
person
 is not interested in
sport
Use synonyms
, so the main problem in not represented by watching
television
Use synonyms
, but by the lack of interest. In these cases, a better education will provide the necessary information to tackle obesity and avoid
health
Use synonyms
 diseases. In conclusion, if it is undeniable that
television
Use synonyms
 contributes to the bad habits of the
moder
belonging to the modern era; since the Middle Ages
modern
mother
 life and it is
one
Use synonyms
 the main causes of
health
Use synonyms
 diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that people practising a
sport
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
intersted
having or showing interest; especially curiosity or fascination or concern
interested
 in watching programmes related
on
Suggestion
to
 their
favorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
sport
Use synonyms
. For these
reason
Suggestion
reasons
, I do not agree with the statement that nowadays
sport
Use synonyms
 programmes on
television
Use synonyms
 should be blamed and are damaging population
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anna.beschi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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