In Some Countries An Increasing Number Of People Are Suffering From Health Problems As A Result Of Eating Too Much Fast Food
In these
days, there is a fact that the number of Change preposition
These
people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
health
issues because of overusing junk food
is increasing. Hence
, some people
believe that the authorities should enact a higher tax for
these kinds of Change preposition
on
food
. I totally agree with this
viewpoint because it will help to decrease the
Correct article usage
apply
people
’s demand on
fast Change preposition
for
food
and it also
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
people
cooking
Change the verb form
to cook
healthy
meal at Add an article
a healthy
home
.
To begin
with, taxing higher on processed food
will make
Verb problem
apply
a
decrease Correct article usage
apply
in
the demand of Change preposition
apply
people
for fast food
. Obviously, when the amount of junk food
consumption decreases, the health
of people
eating fast food
will gets
much better. Take cigarettes as an example, since it has been taxed higher, the enterprises who Change the verb form
get
produces
Change the verb form
produce
this
kind of item had to increase the price. Therefore
, the need of buying
cigarettes fell remarkably and the Change preposition
to buy
health
of the people
who smokes
cigarettes improved.
Change the verb form
smoke
Secondly
, it will encourage people
cook
healthy dishes. Add the particle
to cook
Because when
the price of processed Correct word choice
When
food
gets much higher, people
will be limited their
choices so they will choose Change preposition
in their
cooking
at Change the verb form
to cook
home
. As a result
, it will bring back for their health
many benefits. For example
, hamburgers, fried
Correct word choice
and fried
chickens
from Fix the agreement mistake
chicken
convenient
stores were always my choice for lunch at my school because it was so cheap. But if the government impose a higher tax on Replace the word
convenience
this
food
and make
it unaffordable for me, I’ll consider Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
about cook
at Wrong verb form
cooking
home
. Because the main reason I choose it is cheap. And maybe thanks to cooking at home
, I can lose my
weight and improve my Correct pronoun usage
apply
health
.
In conclusion, I completely agree with increasing tax
on fast Correct article usage
the tax
food
, because it will decrease the demand of people
on junk food
and will encourage people
cook
at Add the particle
to cook
home
. Thus
, it will improve people
’s health
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Content and Language
Avoid repetitiveness. For instance, you mention 'people’s demand on fast food' twice in the conclusion. Try to vary your vocabulary and phrases to communicate your points more effectively.
Grammar
Consider improving your grammar. For instance, 'the number of people have health issues’ should be 'the number of people who have health issues'.
Expression
Be aware of some awkward expressions. For example, 'it will bring back for their health many benefits' can be more naturally phrased as 'it will bring many health benefits back to them'.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...