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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts compare the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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 in terms of five different categories in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both nations allocated most of their budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 housing, food and other goods and services,
while
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
 care and transport
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 amount.
However
Linking Words
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and transport in
Japan
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 was exactly double than
Change preposition
of Malaysian’s
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Malaysian’s
Correct your spelling
Malaysia’s
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expenditure
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. In
Malaysia
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, 34% of the total budget was
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent on housing, which is the largest portion of household
expenditure
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 in
Malaysia
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 sector was responsible
21
Change preposition
for 21
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
. Again, the greatest portion of spending was
other
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on other
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good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
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 and services in
Japan
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, at 29%,
while
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
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,
this
Linking Words
 figure was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower than
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
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, at 26%. In terms of food, both countries spent relatively
similar
Change the word
similarly
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, 24% for
Japan
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 and for
Malaysia
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 it is 27%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the lowest portion of
expenditure
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 was
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health
Change preposition
on health
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 care in both countries. People in
Malaysia
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 spent 3% on
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health
Add an article
the health
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 sector and transport represented 10% of the total household budget. These figures were exactly doubled in
Japan
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, japan, malaysia, health with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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