IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #someone #job #age #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The right
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is fundamental for human beings and
age
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t influence a
job
Use synonyms
 application. It is true that
age
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is sometimes an important
criteria
Change the noun form
criterion
show examples
 for selecting a candidate in some companies,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 I argue that it is illegal and has a negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 modern society.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
age
Use synonyms
 is not an indicator
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 someone’s ability or potential decrease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, treating a candidate less favourable based on their
age
Use synonyms
 is unfair. As an illustration, let’s take a particular elderly worker, it may be tough that has less manual strength and concentration than a youngster, but how can someone evaluate his skills without giving
a
Correct pronoun usage
him a
show examples
chance to try?
At the end
Linking Words
 of the day when a person applies for a
job
Use synonyms
 knows his limits and abilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when a young inexperienced person applies for the first time, is driven by ambition and motivation and has all the resources to succeed in that
job
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if a society discriminates
the
Change preposition
against the
show examples
 workforce based on their
age
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it will stain the public reputation. Suggesting that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is mostly dependent on social services. Working in a good quality
job
Use synonyms
 keeps us active and financially secure. A key issue is that people with health conditions don’t get the support they need at
work
Use synonyms
 – often simple things like flexibility at
work
Use synonyms
. A snap solution could be to include a higher participation of young people among old ones.
This
Linking Words
 will enhance competition,
lead
Correct word choice
and lead
show examples
 to a better match
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 workers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talent
fructified
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the government and
work
Use synonyms
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 ought to be alert,
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong legislation against
age
Use synonyms
 discrimination and give employers more choices.
Submitted by l.bezercu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical progression and organization of ideas to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay's content and purpose.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: