Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays,
People
recognize and accept inconveniences in life, such
as a small budget or a job that is
not satisfactory; others try to move on and improve difficulties. I partially agree because people
are capable of reach
their own expectations .
Some Change the verb form
reaching
people
feel conformity with their status in society; they claim that there are always external problems that affect their lives and make excuses about their economic situation, such
as lack of employment or very demanding jobs to accomplish. It is argued by those ones that have an exhaustive and no lucrative job, moreover
adverse working conditions. For instance
, unskilled personnel with low-paid
salaries Correct your spelling
low
such
as airport cleaner
or assembly line workers are hired by manufacturing industries or companies Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
who
offer arduous jobs, and employees remain there without a vision to get over those circumstances trying to look for better opportunities.
Another reason, Correct pronoun usage
that
Add a missing verb
is because
because
Correct word choice
that
people
accept every drawback and the lack of opportunities in the country. Even though they are skilled workers or people
with glittering careers exist in multiple countries is hard to find a job because there is a financial crisis in the country, therefore
, people
need to be
a tight budget or accept other types of jobs to sustain their families. Verb problem
have
For Example
, Venezuela has gone through the biggest financial crisis in history and people
immigrate because there is no employment and moreover
food, so Rephrase
apply
people
need to be humble and accept the ups and downs of life.
However
, others face adversities and try to achieve their goals to achieve success. In contrast
, they claim that people
need to have certain habits
and vision to progress as an individual. As an example, immigrants who decided to travel abroad to find a better lifestyle in most cases are struggling with the culture shock, adjust
their budget to have a formal education and Wrong verb form
adjusting
break
language barriers to develop their careers and obtain a better position in their lives, they Wrong verb form
breaking
also
have several habits
such
as mental health, time management.
In my opinion, I agree with overcome
problems and Wrong verb form
overcoming
find out
a solution to face Wrong verb form
finding
the
adversities. I think that it is beneficial to develop Correct article usage
apply
habits
from a young age to have a clear vision and avoid future disadvantages, either economic or whatever else.
To conclude
, dealing with problems is a daily activity. Although
there exist some external situations that can affect our productivity, there is always a way to improve performance with small actions and habits
that we can develop day by day, year by year in order to enhance our
lifestyle that Change the word
the
people
are dealing with.Submitted by daidga7 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas and arguments are well-structured and clear. Your thoughts seem to be a bit jumbled in places, making it difficult for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
language
Some sentences are too long and convoluted. Try to break them up into shorter, more manageable sentences. This will make your essay easier to read and understand.
language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Ensure you proofread your work for clarity and grammatical correctness.
task achievement
The essay could be more focussed. Try to clearly argue and establish your perspective rather than discussing too many disparate ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.