IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The two pie charts below compare employment patterns in Great Britain by sex in 2010.

The two pie charts below compare employment patterns in Great Britain by sex in 2010.
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These pie charts are illustrating information about the comparison of job
rate
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rates
show examples
 in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and females in the United Kingdom in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that managerial & professional accounted to be the largest
segment
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 in males,
while
Linking Words
 Clerical & related considered the be the biggest
segment
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 in the women's.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other manual and other non-manual experienced relatively the same percentage in both genders.
To begin
Linking Words
, managerial& professional was the largest
segment
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 of the chart in the men, with 38%.
On
Change preposition
In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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second
Linking Words
 place came
other manual
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another manual
other manuals
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, with a percentage of 28%. Craft or similar showed a number of 21%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other manual, clerical & related and general labourers were respectively the lowest in the pie chart, with 6%, 5% and 2%. Other
manual
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manuals
show examples
 accounted to be the biggest
segment
Use synonyms
 in the girls, with 32%. Clerical & related came in the
second
Linking Words
 place, with 1% lower.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, managerial & professional showed a percentage of 22 %.
Finally
Linking Words
, other manual, craft or similar and general labourers were the least popular, with 11%, 4.5% and 0.5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, second".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words segment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • gender discrepancy
  • full-time employment
  • part-time work
  • self-employed
  • unemployment rate
  • retired individuals
  • economic factors
  • social welfare policies
  • educational opportunities
  • labour market
  • workforce
  • statistical analysis
  • demographics
  • employment sector
  • gender roles
  • participation rate
  • trends
  • pie chart interpretation
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